Sufferfest: Texas State Time Trial Championships

A month ago, I was looking for summer cycling races in the area because the last one left a nasty taste in my mouth, and I wanted to prove that I could do more. Seeing the TT championships listed made me smirk as I knew of the perfect friends to recruit for the team event. We would have a great shot for the top step of the podium. I also figured I might as well sign up for the individual time trial (ITT) event to see what I'm capable of holding for a 40km bike without having to worry about running a 10k afterwards. It'll be a great test to judge my pacing for nationals later this summer in the Olympic distance triathlon, which encompasses a 40k bike leg.

I love riding with these two monsters on the bike and couldn't imagine asking anyone else to race with me.

Race week dragged on as I just couldn't wait for the weekend to arrive. I was stoked to finally be allowed to ride out of power zone 1 and be challenged to stay in upper zone 3. What what!? Challenge accepted, coach. Training during the week was like any other week, and it went well until I tweaked a gluteal stabilizer muscle during my long run Wednesday and exacerbated it after my morning run on Thursday. By mid morning, I was severely limping and could barely walk by the end of the day. I hesitated to tell my coach because I really wanted to race and plus, my ride Thursday afternoon went well, and I wasn't in as much pain as I was when walking or running. So cycling is a go, right? *insert puppy eyes*

Friday morning, I reported the setback to coach and he said, "No worries. I'll work it out." An hour later, I was walking out of the massage room (aka heaven) without a pimp limp and could mimic a normal strut. The weekend games were on!

Texas State Individual Time Trial Championship

I did not sleep well the night before due to racing nerves, but that's not new. My legs felt heavy and sluggish during warm up, and my muscle strain was reminding me of its presence, but my wise friend and fellow racer Pamela ordered me to forget about all that because it's race day. I can't bring my A game if my mind isn't focused on performance. 

This photo was taken right after the wise words were spoken. Thank you, Pamela!

I cleared my head and saddled up. The official counted down to my start from 30 seconds. Those 30s dragged on but once he said go, the world went silent, and it was just me and my mind. 

Push it. Go! Go! Go!

Wheeee!!

Hang on, hold back. It's a 25 mile race. Pace yourself.  

We'll catch some riders later, don't worry. Just worry about your own race. 

Push.
I'm Elmer Fudd, and I'm hunting wabbits.
Pew pew! There's a wabbit. Get it!
[So.. I might have lost my mind.. but that's okay because I couldn't feel the pain since I was too busy smiling and laughing. :) ]

I was averaging watts that I wasn't used to. Riding in zone 3 is a totally different feeling, and it was definitely a challenge to balance effort with fatigue management. I was in a mystery zone since I had no idea how much I could hurt and for how long. I didn't want to blow up, so in caution, I held back. I'll suffer in the last half to bring it home. 

The suffering didn't come until the final few miles, when I finally picked up the pace and hit the numbers I was supposed to sustain the entire race. Upon crossing the line, I knew I had a lot more in me and was disappointed that I didn't just believe in myself and bang out those watts despite not having trained at that intensity. I really wanted to suffer like I never suffered before, but I didn't manage to reach that point. Back to my old ways. (My average watts was only in upper power zone 2)

Suffering and pushing the last 5k.

I always see pros and elites pushing hard on the race course. They are already hurting badly on the bike and manage to maintain that level of suffering on the run. I want to suffer like that. I've hurt before, but I've never really suffered. Instead, I'm constantly saving myself for the last half, but then nothing really happens. I wanted to break that mental rut and was hoping the time trial would be the place to bury playing too safe once and for all. Lucky for me, there was a day two.

ITT results: 40km, 1:05:55, avg 22.7mph, 7th Women Cat 4

Texas State Team Time Trial Championship

Given my performance the day before, I was stoked for the Team Time Trial (TTT). I arrived with a mission to suffer. I knew that I could push a lot harder than the day before, and I was ready to prove it. I just hoped my teammates were ready to deal with how much I wanted to suffer. 

My three favorite cyclists and some of my favorite people :)

I absolutely love and adore and admire my TTT teammates. I had hand picked them all for a reason. Natalie and Margie are very strong riders, and they do not hesitate to push and hurt to stay with the fast boys and even beat them too! The  Planetary rides on Thursday nights tend to have the same conversation at each stop light. "I'm about to throw up." "Me too" There are no other women riders that I know who are willing to suffer as much as them. They are perfect for my team. 

And then there's Pamela. Oh Pamela. She is just a kickass cyclist, hands down. I had the privilege of training with her the last few months, and she is a beast on wheels. You know the saying, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. :) It was a no brainer to have this winner on my team. 

Our team in action!!

Game plan: TT bikes pull most of the way and the roadies pull momentarily between rotations.

Actual plan: everything went as perfect as could be. Pamela and I set the pace and remained in constant communication as how to approach turns or inclines to keep the team together. In the meantime, since Margie and Natalie ride together nearly all the time, they could read each other well without words. Margie could tell when Natalie was getting fatigued and automatically swapped places to shield her. Pamela and I also had the same connection, so despite all of us never having ridden together as a unit, teamwork was a breeze :)

All we had to focus on was catching the two teams ahead of us and to keep the legs churning and the speeds high. 

After the turnaround:

Pamela: "Natalie, how are you feeling?"

Natalie: "I'm hurting."

Pamela: "Margie, how are you feeling?"

Margie: "I'm hurting."

Pamela: "Well, Angie and I feel good, so let's kick it up a notch and bring it home."

The beast unleashed and we were blazing! My heart rate soared as I had limited recovery time since Pamela kept jumping back up to the front after my pull, and I had to quickly follow and fill the gap.

Pamela: "My heart rate is at 176. How is yours?"

Me: *panting* "Mine's at 190, but I feel great."

Pamela: "What!? I was worried about you not getting enough recovery."

Me: "No! I'm fine! I feel great! Keep pushing!" 

(I really really really wanted to suffer if you couldn't tell..) 

7 miles left and I had to keep pep talking the team as I knew the roadies were hurting. 

Me: "Just 7 miles to go!"

Me: "Just 5.5 miles! Hang in there!"

And then my moment happened. It was what I dreamed of doing! Pamela was getting a little tired, so she handed the reigns over to me, and I gladly took them. I wanted to carry my team home and prove to myself that I am someone to fear because I love suffering. I shifted up and kept the pedals moving. And they were moving alright! (Average cadence was 94! I never average that much on a TT bike.) 

Me: "C'mon guys. Just 3 miles left! Less than 10 minutes! Dig deep!"

Sustaining a speed of 27. I didn't even know I could hold these numbers for that long of a time. Mind over matter. Keep pushing!

Pamela: "C'mon baby duck, bring us home!"

Me: "2 miles. Just 2 miles. Push a little harder!!" *click*

Holding 27-28mph. I took a quick peek behind my legs and could see Pamela's front wheel sucking my rear wheel like a leech. I was hurting and was tempted to ask her to pull but seeing her that close to me pushed me into an extra gear. I picked up the pace.

Me: "1 mile!!!! Just two minutes left. That's it. Two minutes and we're done! C'mon, we got this! "

Speeding up to 28-29mph.

Me: "Half a miles guys!! There's the tent! GO GO GO!"

I took another peek behind me to make sure Pamela was still there. Yep. Real close. I had no idea what was happening behind me or if our team was still together, but if Pamela was still there, then I just needed to keep pushing. I geared up again (seemed like I had unlimited gears that morning!!) and sprinted home at 30mph. 

Crossing the finish line..

...and shouting, YEAH!!

Once we crossed the finish line, I did what any reasonable person would do and screamed. I was freaking proud of our efforts and especially my effort because I had a breakthrough in suffering. Who in their right mind finds joy in suffering? I do! :) (and judging from the big smile on her face, apparently Pamela does too!)

I had no idea three of us stayed together till the finish. I thought we might have splintered during the crazy attack home, but I was so stoked to hear after we had regrouped that Natalie hung on till the end and we crossed the finish line as a team.

Only 3 team members needed to cross the line for the official time

Smartest player of the day goes to Margie! She sacrificed herself to protect Natalie in the back half since Natalie had the best shot of hanging onto the pain train the last 5 miles. I didn't realize she had dropped off, but she raced brilliantly and did whatever was necessary to give our team the best shot at winning. It takes a real athlete to know how to sacrifice herself for the team. You're AWESOME!

Special kudos to Natalie who pushed herself beyond any realm she's ever been. She hung onto Pamela's wheel till the very end and threw up soon after crossing the finish. Amazing effort. You really do know how to suffer, and I can learn lots from you!

And just huge amounts of my stupid grin to Pamela who set the pace high early on and made us all bring our A+++ game. You are an amazing athlete (and person!) and it was such an honor to race along side you. It's so so so much better to race with you than against you. :)

It was my upmost pleasure to share the road and this experience with these three fabulous women and awesome athletes. I couldn't have asked for a better team or better friends. Repeat next year? :D

TTT Results: 40km, 1:03:13, avg 23.7mph, 1st place Women Cat 4

Aww yeah! State Champions!

I finally got to suffer, and I must admit, it felt freaking great! We could've gotten dead last, and I would've still been just as excited because I did what I had set out to do. After a quick cool down spin, I was actually still feeling really good and knew I could kick off a decent 10K run afterwards. If I continue to suffer like this in all my races... watch out Nationals!! :)

Thank you to Juan and Jason for letting me borrow their aero wheels and helmet! I don't have to ride fast, just have to look fast ;)

Cashews and Peanuts

Whenever I open a bag of trail mix or mixed nuts, I tend to pick through and find my favorites first. Tart cherries, dried pineapple, cashews, and almonds. My dad hates it when I do that because all that's left in his Planter's Deluxe Mixed Nuts can is just peanuts, hazelnuts, and Brazilian nuts. Oops. Love you dad. And in my defense, I do leave a cashew or two for him..

Deluxe for me, not so deluxe for my dad!

Life's adventures are like a bag of trail mix. I don't know what I'm going to get, but I know there will be disappointment, encouragement, failure, and success. And just like how I pick and choose which nut or dried fruit to take in first, I also need to decide which life news/adventure to absorb that will help me grow the most.

A wrench got thrown at me today after follow up testing with my coach, and it hurt. I'm disappointed, very disappointed, because it wasn't what I wanted to hear. At the same time, it was encouraging, but I didn't feel encouraged at all because I was too busy feeding on the peanuts. (No offense to peanut lovers! I just love cashews more!)

I did all my training. I was in the hurt box more than ever for many sessions and still pushed through. I completed workouts that I didn't even think I could do. My average watts increased. My strength increased. I felt and knew I was a stronger athlete. I was ready to show that on paper on test day.

Boy was I wrong. I couldn't even complete the test last week due to exhaustion and lack of recovery. Mentally, I could've pushed on, but physically, I was dying. My lactate levels were doubled what they were last testing, during warmup no less, and I'm supposed to be a better athlete now. Coach shut the test down and gave me a lecture and lesson on the importance of rest, recovery, and sleep. Duely noted. My agenda for the week was to try to sleep at least 10 hours a day (really really hard for me! I've struggled with good quality sleep since college/depression and surgery) and to test again after recovery week.

I went into testing again today feeling like 100%. I was definitely more awake than last week, and my body felt more alive and ready to pounce than it had the past few weeks. I was ready to knock some numbers out of the ballpark! The only thing I knocked was my pride. I was feeling so good, and pushing the pedal to the metal felt much, much easier than last Tuesday. I knew I was going to put up some impressive numbers again today. 

Coach: How are you feeling?

Me: *thumbs up* (mumbling through an oxygen mask) I feel great!

Coach: Yeah, that's deceiving. Let's shut it down.

Me: ?!?

Well, I did produce some high numbers, but not in the good way. My heart rate and lactate levels were even worse than last week and way higher than my initial testing. 

WHAT!!? How is that possible?? I rested all week just for today, and I feel so much better. How can I be that much worse?

After explaining all the possible factors to me and seeing my face, coach ended the day by saying, "don't be discouraged. It's good that we caught this now so early. You're so young, and there's still years before your prime. Once we figure out what's wrong and fix it, you'll be unstoppable. It's a learning process. For both of us."

Going in thinking I'll hear news like 'you're going to be the next big thing' and coming out with 'you're going backwards', 'you're probably sick and don't know it yet', and 'you need rest'. That was all I focused on. Those dang peanuts!! I should've done this, I should've done that. Yadda yadda yadda. I let myself get disappointed and discouraged because I was focussing on all the wrongs, all the problems, all the things out of my control. This action was not helping me grow at the moment, and I was in fact retrogressing. The dream does not end here. Disappointment does not end dreams. Failure does not end dreams. Inaction does. So what am I going to do?

You can always count on this guy for  great life advice!

Shift my focus and pick out the cashews and tart cherries. Find the positives, and find the lessons. Adapt and learn. 

• Coach said this could be easily fixed with reduced training volume and extra rest. 
• I need to focus more on trying to get better quality sleep and discover what helps with that. It's hard to fix something immediately that I've had trouble with for years, but I have to start somewhere.
• The changes might only take a few weeks to turn into progress instead of months or even years (worse case scenario of major overtraining).
• I'm still a baby in this sport, and all these things I learn now will be weapons later.

Mmm. Don't these cashews and cherries just taste better? I'm not suggesting that you should have a deaf ear to criticism or advices or changes, I'm saying that there are healthier ways of accepting such news other than just shutting down or pulling yourself into a world of hate and self-loathing (which I used to be a master at!). Find the positives. Find the silver linings. Find those cashews!

Coach: "Note how you feel now. This is not your true 100%."

Me: "Wow. But I feel great. This is my relative 100. I can't imagine how I'd feel when I'm completely rested and recovered. Was today more like 50-60%?"

Coach: "Yes. You'll feel the difference at 100%. You'll be roaring to go the moment you wake up in the mornings. I'm actually pretty scared of what you're capable of at 100%."

Me too, coach, me too.

ps. my new bedtime is 9pm cst, and I need to be very strict on that. If any one of you sees me active online past this time or out and about, CALL ME OUT! It might be my dream, but it sure is a team effort.

Just Leap

I went rock climbing with my sister yesterday, and she somehow convinced me to tackle a hard route that she just completed (Karen is a much better climber than I am). It started out okay but quickly got rough at an overhang as my forearms were spazzing and my fingers were locking so I could barely grip anymore. I leaned back and sat with the belay line.

My partner in crime in scaling climbs!

"You just have to leap and catch that one hold, then the rest is easy," Karen advised me.

"You made it look easy! And my fingers and arms are shutting down. I'm ready to come down."

"Well, you better hurry before you tire even more. Just jump!"

I replanted my feet, readjusted my hand holds, and leaped. I caught the rock I needed and then proceeded to climb my way to the top.

I realized today how similar that 5.9b climb is to my triathlon career and dream.  In the summer of 2012, I finally figured out my purpose in life, and after (reluctantly) giving in, I began to love life in a way I never thought I could. I quit my job, I indefinitely postponed medical school, and I pursued triathlon. This was my first leap, and with any drastic change, of course, comes disagreement and disapproval. My parents strongly voiced their opinions and kept reminding me how foolish and crazy I was (they still do sometimes). The rest of my family agreed and would call me from out of the country to repeat the same concerns. 

It was just me and my dream against the world. I knew I was meant to be an athlete for life and to inspire countless others during my journey. Armed with just my drive and a few close friends as supporters, I took it upon myself to research what tools I needed whether it be mentally, emotionally, or physically, and began to train myself.

The journey has been long and rough, full of anger, sadness, injuries, frustration, and doubts (lots of it!), but there have also been times of pure happiness, contentment, and validation. The positives have completely outweighed the negatives, and I have grown more into the person that I know I was born to be. I'm the healthiest I've ever been in all aspects of the heart, mind, soul, and body, and I'm only going to get even stronger from here. :)

Climbing my way to the top, in all aspects of life :)

In case you still don't know what my dream is, I want to become a professional triathlete. Ever since I was a little kid, I've dreamed of becoming a professional athlete. First it was as a track and field runner (I was really good at it [competed at the national level] until I gave it up), and then as a basketball player (I was pretty darn good at this too! ..until I gave it up). I chose academics over sports, as I was raised to do, and that led me to my demise in college as I forgot how important it is to pursue your passions, dream, and enjoy life.

I have learned my lesson the hard way, and I can assure you that I am not letting this dream out of my sight. I made another big leap earlier this year in March by acquiring a coach. I knew for a while that the question wasn't if I was going to get a coach but rather when I was going to team myself with one. To achieve my dream, this was the next step, and it is also a very important factor for success at the top level.

While I was recovering from my concussion and was banned from physical activity, I spent a good two weeks with my coach discussing my dreams, goals, and plans. I then performed VO2 max and lactate testing, and the results blew my mind away as it was more than I could've ever hope for. Six words that have changed my life since:

"You have a really big engine."

Some girls may take that as an insult, but in my world, it's one of the biggest and best compliments you can get. Basically, I have it in me to become a professional triathlete.  ...I HAVE IT IN ME! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG, BUT NOW THERE'S ACTUAL PROOF. I'M NOT CRAZY! I shared the news with my closest friends, and they of course somehow knew this all along, so I had to feed them some of my humble pie.. :P

Choo choo! (imagine the kid is Chinese..)

It has taken me a while to write this post because I debated about making this news public in the event that the dream doesn't come true, because let's face it, I still have a long road ahead of me, and anything can happen. At the same time, it is the journey that I'm after, not the end result, and I owe it to myself and to you to share all the experiences of joys and setbacks as I fervently chase this dream. Sharing this news will also allow you to help me stay on track, to remind me what I'm after, and to chide me for eating an extra serving of ice cream or something..

And on that note, my dreams/goals/plans for the next few years:

2014

1. Lean out to hit my career race weight.
2. Place in top 18 at Age Group National Championships Olympic Distance Triathlon to qualify to represent USA at 2015 Worlds.
3. Blog at least bi-monthly! Weekly if possible (a yearly goal :) )
4. Build a killer base for 2015 season

2015

1. Break the 5 hour mark for Ironman 70.3
2. Qualify for Ironman 70.3 World Championships
3. Break the 10 hour mark at Ironman Texas 2015
4. Qualify for Ironman World Championships in Kona
5. Compete at the 2015 Age Group World Championships
6. Compete at Age Group National Championships again, only if I have a chance to take the title

2016

1. If everything goes well in 2015, and I'm ready to make another leap.. TURN PRO!

I do realize how big and bold these goals and dreams are, and I may regret posting them, but I do not regret the fact that I am a big dreamer because I know I have the heart and drive to make my dreams come true. And with the unconditional support and love from my family, friends, coach, and sponsors in my arsenal, there's nothing I cannot achieve.

And I leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

"If your dreams don't scare you, they aren't big enough."