"Tomorrow we'll discover what our God in heaven has in store... one day more!" - Les Miserables
As long as there's a tomorrow (or even a today), there's no reason why one should lose hope or give up on a dream or let a passion go.
Off season was supposed to last only two weeks and back into training I go. It's been five weeks, and I'm still struggling to get going. I didn't know just how exhausted I was physically and mentally. I'd sleep 8-10 hours a night, nap 1-3 hours during the day, and still feel tired. I also didn't realize how many injuries I was pushing through during the last half of the season -- left shoulder, right ankle, right knee, right achilles. It's amazing how far you can push your body when you're mentally charged. (Important! I don't recommend pushing through the pain if you are seriously injured and will cause further/permanent damage. It's not worth it.)
The set backs made me start to doubt myself and my abilities. I tried to revalidate myself by going on long, hard rides with my cycling buddies to quell the voices in my head. Instead, the rides intensified them. Yes, I may have hung on for 60-70 miles, but the last 30-40 miles, I'd struggle like I'd never struggled before (physically and mentally) and get dropped. I'd blame it on lack of fitness and burnout (which is true), but the real blame was me. I wasn't in it. I wasn't committed. My head and heart had been compromised.
Huffing and Puffing
PC: Natalie
'I can' got replaced with 'I can't'. 'Just do it' got replaced with 'next time'. All the positivity and mental strength I spent all season building were gone within weeks. Pitiful, right? It happens. I've lived with that darkness for years. I know just how easy it is to let it take over instead of fighting. Never again. I will always fight. Every good workout I had in the meantime kept me afloat. It lit a fire. It made me smile. It made me dream.
Last Saturday, when I least expected it, amazing news arrived. I barely made it through the first sentence of the email as I started to tear up. I couldn't tell my mom the news because I kept choking up. The fire roared. The dreams grew. Everyone in the restaurant disappeared and I was alone with my dreams flashing before my eyes. I, a no-name athlete, who lived among hundreds of thousands of triathletes in Texas, was chosen as one of the lucky 12 to represent our region and one of 185 to represent our nation for Team Zoot in 2014. ME! Are you serious? Is this a joke? Is someone playing a really crude prank on me? I finished reading the email and read it again and again. (I continued to read it a few more times throughout the day to make sure it wasn't a fluke).
I might print this out, frame it, and hang it on the wall next to my diplomas. :)
Soon, all the I can'ts turned into I cans. The laters turned into nows. The negatives became positives. The fact that I was able to train and push through injuries/exhaustion and still produce great race results/progress showed just how strong I am and how much better of an athlete (and person!) I am than a year ago. Zoot chose me for a reason. I stood out. I am meant to inspire. How can I inspire others if I've half-given up on myself? I was being selfish by dwelling in my self-pity. All my friends and training buddies and supporters always believed in me no matter what. They saw something in me too. How can I brush that aside?
Believe. No matter what. You were given your passions for a reason. If today doesn't go your way, look to tomorrow. You may get the best news of your life or the spark you need. There's no reason to hide. Step into the light and live. You'll be rewarded, if not today, then one day more. I'm going to use this opportunity to the best of my abilities to grow into the best athlete and person that I can be and to inspire hundreds (maybe thousands?!!) more. :)
Chasing a dream and never looking back
